Every well-known speaker has had to overcome fear and develop the self-confidence to speak in public. Being able to deliver a well-crafted and interesting speech is not the result of some innate talent that only a few possess; rather, it is a skill that anyone can learn.
Why do some teams deliver performances exponentially better than the sum of their counterparts, while other teams add up to be much less? How can one build teams that seamlessly collaborate and act like a single hive-mind? The answer lies in group culture.New York Times bestselling author Danny Coyle unlocks the secrets of highly effective group cultures by studying the finest teams across various industries in the world, including the Navy SEAL’s, Pixar Studios, and the San Antonio Spurs.The Culture Code presents the three most important master skills required to transform your organizational culture.
What does it take to be a brave and courageous leader? How can emotional responses be channeled effectively in the workplace?
Based on interviews with hundreds of global leaders, research professor Brené Brown – whose TED talk is one of the five most watched – summarizes the learnable skills that underpin daring leadership, and shows how embracing vulnerability helps you to lead even when you aren’t sure of the outcome.
Once you embrace the power of vulnerability, you can stop avoiding difficult conversations and being afraid to accept new ideas and start trusting and building resilience.
TOP 20 INSIGHTS
- Research professor Brené Brown interviewed hundreds of global C-level leaders over a twenty-year period. Her research shows that there are four learnable skills that underpin daring leadership: embracing vulnerability, living core values, braving trust, and developing resilience.
- A daring leader is someone who takes up the responsibility to find the potential in people, and who is committed to develop that potential.
- Brown’s TED talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world. She defines embracing vulnerability as having the courage to show up when you can’t be sure of the outcome.
- In the words of Minouche Shafik, Director of the London School of Economics: “In the past, jobs were about muscles, now they’re about brains, but in the future they’ll be about the heart.”
- Trust holds teams and organizations together. Companies with high levels of trust beat the average annualized returns of the S&P500 by a factor of three.
- Doug R. Conant says that inspiring trust was his priority in his ten-year turnaround of Campbell Soup Company: “[T]rust is the one thing that changes everything. It’s not a nice-to-have, it’s a must-have. Without it, every part of your organization can fall, literally, into disrepair.”
- There are seven behaviors that build trust over time: boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, nonjudgement, and generosity, i.e., braving.
- Learning resilience must come first. Leaders invariably try to teach resilience skills to their teams after there’s been a setback or failure. But that’s like trying to teach a skydiver how to land after they’ve hit the ground or even as they’re in freefall.
- Brown’s team asked a thousand leaders to list behaviors that earn team-members positive recognition. The most common answer: asking for help.
- Google’s five-year study of highly productive teams found that the most important dynamic that set successful teams apart was psychological safety—team members feeling safe to take risks and be vulnerable in front of each other.
- Research shows that leaders must either invest time attending to fears and feelings, or spend more time trying to manage unproductive and ineffective behavior. If a manager is addressing the same problematic behaviors over and over, s/he may need to dig deeper into the thinking and feeling driving those behaviors.
- One way to cultivate commitment and a shared organizational purpose is to adopt the TASC approach to projects and strategies: Task, Authority, Success, Checklist.
- Shame is a universal emotion that we all try to avoid. In the workplace shame manifests as favoritism, gossiping, harassment, perfectionism, and cover-ups. The opposite of shame is empathy, connecting to the emotions that underpin someone’s experience.
- Curiosity about different views and how they may come into conflict—asking questions and reaching out for more information—is essential for building daring leadership. A study in Neuron suggests that brain chemistry changes when we become curious, helping us to better learn and retain information.
- Daring leadership needs clear values that the leader lives by every day. Melinda Gates says that tying tactics to core values and then explaining them to others makes a leader better able to question their own assumptions.
- The key to operationalizing core values across the company or workplace is to be very clear on the skills that undergird those values. Set clear expectations for everyone to create a shared language and a well-defined culture.
- Brown’s research shows that leaders who are trained in resilience are more likely to embrace courageous behaviors, because they know how to get back up after a fall. People who don’t have the skills to get back up are less likely to risk falling.
- Teaching how to embrace failure as a learning opportunity is especially important today, when millennials make up 35% of the American workforce.
- The most effective strategy for recognizing an emotion is to practice what soldiers call Tactical Breathing.
- As a leader, it’s important to recognize that people will make up their own stories during a time of upheaval or stress, and without data they will start with their own fears and insecurities. The daring leader gives people as much data and facts as possible so that their stories are more complete.
To be a daring leader, one who is not afraid of change and new challenges, you must embrace vulnerability, recognizing it not as a form of weakness but as a willingness to acknowledge when you don’t know all the answers. Instead of protecting the ego by avoiding difficult situations, embrace vulnerability by encouraging empathy, curiosity, and shared purpose. Operationalize the organization’s core values; and, build trust by setting clear boundaries and being reliable and generous. Build resilience by recognizing when a situation or emotion has a hold over you; learn how to recognize and accept the emotion and create a story that you can control.
Do you dread negotiations for fear of the conflict involved?
The fact is that every aspect of our lives involves some form of negotiation—from a salary discussion to a child’s bedtime, a business deal to a high-stakes hostage crisis.
In these situations, the only way to get what you think is right is to ask for it. In Never Split the Difference, former expert FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss details that the best way to do this is to use a set of tools that allows you to better connect with others, influence them, and negotiate for what you want.
TOP 20 INSIGHTS
- Never split the difference—it leads to dreadful outcomes. If you want to wear your black shoes, but your spouse wants you to wear the brown ones, splitting the difference means you end up wearing one black shoe and one brown. Compromising is a cop-out, a way to feel safe.
- Start any negotiation by listening; it’s the only way to create enough trust and safety for a real conversation, to identify what your counterpart actually needs and to get them to feel safe enough to talk about what they really want.
- Practice good listening—it will help you develop emotional empathy. Researchers at Princeton University used an fMRI brain-scan to discover that people who paid the most attention, i.e., really good listeners, could actually anticipate what a speaker was about to say.
- In her daily TV show, Oprah was a master listener. She was able to get the person she was interviewing to talk about their deepest secrets, using a smile to ease the tension, signaling empathy with subtle verbal and nonverbal signals, and speaking slowly.
- Use tactical empathy to encourage your counterpart to expand on their situation. You don’t have to agree with them, just acknowledge their situation. Once the other person realizes that you are listening, they are more likely to tell you something that you can use.
- Mirror what your counterpart says. People are drawn to what is similar and fear what is different. Mirroring encourages the other person to keep talking, and ultimately to reveal their strategy.
- Label your counterpart’s fears; it disrupts the power of a negative thought or emotion. Labeling essentially short-circuits the amygdala, the part of the brain that reacts to real or imaginary threats.
- Pushing for “yes” makes people defensive; you have to get past the counterfeit and confirmation yesses in order to get to the real commitment.
- As Mark Cuban, billionaire owner of the Dallas Mavericks, remarks: “Every ‘No’ gets me closer to a ‘Yes.’” Often, the word “no” just means “wait” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” Once you hear that first “no,” the real negotiation begins.
- If you’re trying to work with someone and they keep ignoring your messages, provoke a “no” response with a simple one-sentence email: “Have you given up on this project?” Odds are, the other person will respond with something like, “No, it’s just that other issues have cropped up and…”
- Bend your counterpart’s reality. Psychologists Kahneman and Tversky discovered that people will take more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Use your counterpart’s loss aversion to persuade them that they will lose something if the deal falls through.
- Get your counterpart to say, “That’s right!” Once they say this, you’ve reached a breakthrough moment—they are acknowledging that you understand where they are coming from.
- Columbia Business School psychologists found that job applicants who named a range received significantly higher salaries than those who offered a single number. If your goal is $60,000, give the range of $60,000-$80,000 and they’ll likely come back with $60,000—or higher. Give the number $60,000, however, and they’ll likely offer you less.
- The person who is really in control in a conversation is the one who is listening—the talker is revealing information while the listener can direct the conversation toward his own goals.
- The first step to dealing with any counterpart is to identify their negotiating style. Are they an Accommodator, an Assertive, or an Analyst?
- Psychologist Kevin Dutton coined the phrase “unbelief”—active resistance to what the other side is saying. As a negotiator, your role is to stop the other side from unbelieving; give them the illusion of control through asking for help with calibrated questions.
- Calibrated questions such as, “How can I do that?” gently push your counterpart to search for other solutions. The negotiation becomes an information-gathering process where your counterpart is vested in creating the outcome that you want.
- Approaching deadlines—whether real or merely an arbitrary line in the sand—make people do impulsive things. Research by UC Berkeley professor Don A. Moore found that when negotiators tell their counterparts about their deadline, they get better deals.
- When someone seems irrational, they most likely are not—they’re just being driven by a constraint or hidden desire that you haven’t uncovered yet, or they’re operating on bad information.
- Any negotiation requires preparation, an outline of your tools. This is the “one sheet” that summarizes your approach.
Negotiation is not about creating a win-win situation, finding a compromise, or getting to yes—it’s about connecting with your counterpart so that you can figure out what they really want and using that to get what you want. The key is to practice active listening and tactical empathy: make counterparts feel safe enough to reveal themselves. Frame the negotiation using tools like mirroring (repeating your counterpart’s key words), labeling your counterpart’s fears, and asking calibrated questions that start with “How…?” or “What…?” The first “no” is not the end of the negotiation, but the beginning. Once you get your counterpart to say, “That’s right!” you’ve reached a turning point. Figure out your counterpart’s negotiation style: are they an Analyst, an Accommodator, or an Assertive? Prepare for any negotiation by drawing up a one-sheet list of five key points that summarize your approach.